The Greatest Pain in Life

  The greatest pain in life
is not to die, but to be ignored.

To lose the person you love so
much to another who doesn't care at all.

To have someone you care so about so much throw a party...
and not tell you about it.

When your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.

To have people think that you don't care.

The greatest pain in life,
is not to die,
but to be forgotten.

To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.

To never get a call from a friend,
just saying "hi".

When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.

For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits.

When it seems like the only person who cares about you,
is you.

Life is full of pain,
but does it ever get better?

Will people ever care about each other,
and make time for those who are in need?

Each of us has a part to play
in this great show we call life.

Each of us has a duty to mankind
to tell our friends we love them.

If you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.

You will simply be ignored...
forgotten...
as you have done to others.

 

Taurus: People may not agree, but this doesn't mean you should doubt yourself.**

slacking day 4 me... gotta cont my NMM project le. ideas... i need ideas!




SAT:
Taurus: Be prepared to assert yourself so others know where you stand.**

SHOPPING SPREE!!!

well, not really. bought a jacket i have been looking 4. guess how much is it... $19! gd buy sia! 'heng heng' i havent left Bugis after dinner, got to collect my specs too.. =B

b4 tt walked ard Raffles City with dan n his fren b4 Lynn joined us. looked ard 4 dan's DVD player n new yr clothes then headed to Bugis le. walked abit at Bugis Junction n Bugis st b4 dan n fren left 4 their fren's bbq at pasir ris. went KFC 4 dinner with Lynn den back to Bugis again 4 some serious girl-shopping. hehe. tts when i found my jacket. after tt i was juz left with 20cents in my pocket. -.- no choice, could only do some window shopping... like a long sleeve top tt is like a-white-shirt-wearing-under-a-sweater kind? from esprit. kinda special coz it isnt reall a "full" white shirt underneath. it can b separated coz they r only put together with buttons.. interesting... hmm.. but not sure whether i should mind e price though its special.*glup* looking 4 a ladies shirt too. either wear it alone or with a tank top underneath.

eh... mayb i should start a Wish List ya... =X lol

ya today every1 seemed to b at Bugis too. saw my Bowen didi at e Levis shop. Leonard saw me but din have manners to come up to me n say "hi", only sms-ed me. at KFC saw cai-er n her frens. ros went back Taxi to work Pt, so at e end of e day took bus back with her.

Li.di.ya turned back time on 1:23:00 PM.

Taurus: Others may get on your nerves because they lack the devotion you have.**

Joke of the Day: went to sch at 9am when my paper starts at 3.30pm!
did not find anything amiss until....

1. din c my classmates outside e rm
2. peeped in n c no familar faces
3. walked in n still c no1 familar (ya think i saw a senior who was from kc too)
4. after i had found my table no. , checked e paper which was lying on e table

DAMN IT! confirm not e 1 i was suppose to sit (4got wat subject i saw). straight away walked rite out of e rm. e teacher muz b puzzled sia... he was e 1 who unlocked e back door 4 me too. hai.. at tt time still tot i had remembered/copied/OLE printed e rm no. wrongly. called 1 of my classmates, hp off. tried another 1 n she told me e paper starts in e afternoon! omg... was cursing myself man.. Y I SO BLUR! den i remember ya.. e last paper like usually starts kinda late.. omg... could have slept longer! i had only 3 hrs of slp u know! coz i only started studying at 11pm last nite. ya.. it's like how long u wanna study maths 4? ya... den went back home, hoping to get some slp coz my eyes felt as if they were swelling.... but couldnt really do tt. -.- watever.

anyway.. e paper was damn "ez pea-sy" man. e only paper(mayb beside NMM la) i m so confident of. but coz of laziness, din really studied e last part, so din know how to do e last question of e paper. -.-.. 5marks wasted.


on my way home at 201 bus stop actually saw e cute girl whom i had served while working at TM B*dazzle. still remember she was looking 4 accessories 4 his bro's wedding. so qiao sia. again... smelt an unsual scent, a perfume when she walked pass me. no wonder at tt point of time was thinking who was wearing such scent, v sweet, too sweet le. seems like she have a unique kind of taste huh. cool~ wanted to go up n say hi sia.. n at e same time ask her wat perfume she was wearing e other time, coz, i like... hehe.. but.. hehe.. took e same bus as me too. but i really wonder does she still regconize me.. o.O

saw another "neighbour" too while i was waiting 4 bus to go to sch...

YEAH! hol le... gonna enjoy myself man... eh.. like how huh? =( still have projects to do too. no matter wat, gotta do some catching up with some ppl man... n i gotta go c Shall We Dance! alone(gotta try it man) or wat... maybe Alfie n Finding Neverland?, and e Constantine starring Keanu Reeves which is coming soon.

i wan ktv.. kuishinbo buffet.. go party with PY n frens...blah!



WED:
Taurus: Be sure your insurance policies are worth the money you pay for them.**

my DCNK sucks man. cfm FAIL! can say tt i din study at all man. juz looked thru e tutorials. not sure if e others felt e same way too but even b4 i left e lec hall, alot others had gone off already. my o my....

after tt went town 4 an interview. felt kinda mad when i failed to find e shop at e Mandarin Arcade n no1 picked up my calls, even so after using e 'men pai hao ma' she had given me, coz it wasnt open yet. so juz walked ard window shopping. looking 4 jackets n long sleeve tops... bought e red tank top i had been eying 4 a long time from Bods.Bodynits. nice... hmm.. mayb look more like a sports wear la but who cares rite.. anyway.. next month should b joining hiphop dance class with daniel n his another gf so could wear tt ba. have been wanting to take up this kinda course a long time le...

ya looking 4ward to this sat, nan de daniel jio go shopping, lynn n another fren of his joining too ba... haha. he seems to b getting a makeover or something coz his "things to buy list" is a long 1.. shoes.. track pants....aiyo... juz 4 this dance class...-.-




TUE:
Taurus: You'll be on edge this morning; things go your way this afternoon.**

IISO paper kinda suck too. but there might juz b a possibility tt i may get away with a "juz pass" marks. well at least better than failing la..

took a short nap b4 going out again. went to bugis to check e specs frame i had ordered. walk ard n saw nice n cheap jacket. shall go back again 4 it when i m collecting my specs.

dinner was great with my aunts n sis. went to this ulu seafood place(a bit e coffee shop type) in e midst of an industrial park? at Hougang. ordered 2 crabs n buns to dip e sauces with(chilli n butter. e butter 1 was e best, with creamy sauce), tou fu =D~~, chicken, veg.. *Burp* it was indeed filling. tt was not all. e other table's horfun or mee in dark sauce tempted my sis n aunt to order tt. so.. eat again, we all shared a plate of coz.. yup.. tts wat we had 4 dinner in late celebration of my sis's bday. 21st bday neh....

Li.di.ya turned back time on 7:27:00 PM.

Taurus: Remember that you can't go from first date to marriage in one day.** <-- of coz i understand tt...

every morning when i wake up, i m always looking 4ward to something.. something tt will not happen again... cant stop myself from getting excited whenever there is a call or msg alert coming from my hp...bth...

really disappointed. nv tot tt he would go back to her.but i should have guessed it. who would wanna let a 4yr relationtion to go dwn e drain juz like tt? it would b such a waste. i did insist on asking her back b4 tt, y din he do it? until now we r together n she's back, asking 4 a patch? though he complained to me about her (even e time when we last met).... think he was juz trying to 'an wei' himself, not to go back to her again. well, it's pointless to juz tok, action is more impt. now i c wat he meant. tt's y he has been avoiding me.

BUT AT LEAST CLARIFY WITH ME LA!

gotta blame it on me. shouldnt have believed his words. shouldnt have gone together shortly after their break. shouldnt have "rushed" into this. Stayed as frens would have been juz as great. now it juz let me feel like as if im a "spare tyre".. again... juz in time when she went to Denmark 4 studies. glad tt it ended so soon.

ppl come n go.. n i m used to it. so guess it will b alrite if dun think too much.. past few days have been fine... but i juz feel angry when he dun say anything at all n settle this once n for all. dun tell me i have to wait 4 months again... i wanna so much to call him but shouldnt guys b e 1 to take initiatives? tts wat i think. he seemed uninterested too when i send or fwd sms. tt's how far i will go. tt's how passive i m, too bad i m not those pro-active type, if i do it will seem as if i m despo or irritating. hey.."it takes 2 hands to clap" rite?

however.. also glad to have some1 to share my tots n probs with during tt period, nv open up to any1 like this b4, though sometimes may only b a v small matter(glad tt he did too). enjoyed e time spent together(even if it was juz having coffee at 201. now tt i think of it.. it seems tt we havent gone out much on wkends..), e stuffs we did. though v simple(mayb tt wasnt wat he was looking 4), nv felt tt 'xing fu' b4.. but was kinda angry when he din reply to my sms tt day. n when i think i saw their pic still in his wallet e other time(din c clearly but how else should i react if it really was?), tt explains y i was suddenly all quiet on new yrs day when we were waiting to go into e cinema to watch Meet the Fockers.

e last time we met he asked me wat i think "loving a person" is all about. din reply tt...din know how too. dun like it when ppl ask me such "difficult" question. to him.. it's about "accepting e way tt person is". true. to me, i dun really know how to say but it's juz e way u feel when u r with tt person, n e many (romantic?) things u wanna do together blah. when i was with him it was e v first time i would take trouble to plan things(e.g dinner on christmas eve), even tot of going on a hol to somewhere like Bali(again) with him. i think too much n fast le. juz remembered e other time he shared about his fren's story.. a 'little mei mei' wanna marry a much older man. mayb a little like her huh...

mayb tt was e time which made him make up his mind on who to choose. coz i din seem to like him as much as e other did sometimes? n i always din know how to ans his "difficult" Qs?

all r my assumptions, i know i cant jump to conclusions, but how else can i not make myself think so much when he juz disappear w/o saying anything? i dun mind him going back but.. pls.. I NEED AN ANS PLS!

still.... enuff of all these le. i need a break.


watever things tt have happened to me recently.. i still like being e way i m.

1. sometimes e not-so-feminine kind of behaviour (dun expect me to whine pls)
2. weird stuff i may b doing (buying a 1.5l bottle of water to quench my thirst)
3. acting e way i feel (if this is how u treat me, this is wat u will get. i wun wanna be a 2-faced person u know)
4. boring me (i dun mind doing things e "simple-way". how do u classify some1 as an interesting person anyway? some1 who creates unnecessary "sounds" during, or even not during, a conversation? noise pollution n attention seeker pls)
5. quiet me (u wan me to act like an automatic gun huh? possible. tts when im in e HYPER mode, caused by some things or some1.)

blah blah blah... take it or leave it. i dun need to b some1 perfect in any1's eyes...



e other day my classmate juz shared with me his past relationship during his sec sch life. find it kinda cute tt he felt neglected by his gf.. haha...find it cute coz i think tt "ren zhen de nan ren (or nu ren) jui mei.." it shows tt e relationship meant alot to him, his gf should feel gd about it. becoz of this he dun wanna get a gf w/o thinking twice. they knew each other 4 a few wks only but lasted 4 a yr plus.. not bad already... ok la.. though looks a bit flirty but alrite la.. harmless kind. quite gd looking too so can get 1 easily de la..





FRI:
Taurus: An extra thoughtful gesture or kind word goes a long way with a lover.**

SHORTY SHORTY again! yup, went to cut my hair at kimage. not really satisfied with it though.. n e service.. e guy keeps scratching me with his long nails! wth.. n i had to pay $31.50(inclusive of $1.50 GST) 4 tt. no way m i going back there, not worth my $. i still like my chapter2, go back find tt Pamela next time.

argh.. no more 'nu ren wei' le .. look a bit kiddo n tomboy now =(... but with STYLE. =D haha.. ya as if... hmm.. e cap i bought from Bali have been lying in my cupboard 4 so long le.. now is e rite time. juz c when is it appropriate 4 me to wear it, n act a bit tomboy ya.. haha.. but dun think i have e rite clothes 4 tt... =P BLEAH!

wanted to go Mad Monks with sis until i heard tt they play rnb there.. not really into tt n Lennon wasnt going too.. so nah... next time when i m feeling rich ya...

Li.di.ya turned back time on 1:23:00 PM.

Taurus: Don't get too shaken by an argument - the other person is off kilter.**


I M SO DAMN BORED!

can't think of anything else but go back to my bed 4 more slp. but no, not gonna do tt. i have slept 4 3hrs juz now n i gotta start studying le! e more i slp, e more tired i feel..*Yawn* -.-zzz.. but i sure do love to take afternoon naps... gets me all freshened up. =)

gonna go 201 de kimage cut my hair after this. will start working on my maths once i reach home. hai.. so damn lazy to even go 4 e hair cut now.. zzz... *yawn* juz like me rot at home la!!!!

wkend is coming.. Sian. term test is coming.. Sian. hol is coming.. Sian. kill me pls, kill me...

Li.di.ya turned back time on 3:47:00 PM.

Taurus: Don't be so hard on yourself today. Keep only positive energy flowing.**

i gotta keep myself bz! coz.......it's so no gd 4 me...bleah!

went to get my stuff today at TM.. at last.. kinda like it in red n got myself a matching THONG! wahaha..juz bought it 4 fun. i wonder when m i gonna wear tt.. hmm... did a bit of window shopping n going ard trying on clothes. hehe.. o my.. can't remember when was e last time i went shopping. checked out mango's new arrivals. not bad, have some nice chiffon kind of tops? but e price is juz not rite 4 me.. i cant afford it at e moment anyway..was tempted to get e pants from ebase n stuff but not too sure whether it looked gd on me or tt it matches with any of my tops..(sometimes e lightings do affect how it looks on u u know..) but i like it being soft n loose fitting. comfortable is e word. n it's juz at $20. find a time to get suggestions from my sis or whoever next i m going out with. din manage to c e skirts i saw e other time at pw. sad sia... =(




MON:
Taurus: You have no more excuses. The energy is in your favor right now.**

went to bugis to meet my sis n her colleagues 4 dinner after sch but i was late so they went ahead w/o me. her colleagues r a fun bunch man, so funny n cute.. juz like Lennon. kinda envy my sis.. she juz manages to get along well with people wherever she goes. later they accompanied to get my specs. yup..got myself a half frame 1. decided to switch to specs after e BioMedics gave me problems. juz cant wait 4 feb or march to collect it.. hehe.. gotta wait 4 them to order a new frame 4 me.. walked ard a bit b4 we headed home.. had a bit of tok with her on e bus, it nv fails to make me feel closer to her whenever we have this kind of chat session.

though it's a little weird, it's nice to meet my sis's frens u know.. especially e lennon, such a cutie... hehe... enjoyed e time i spent with my sis. i want more of this so much...together with dad, but she is a bz woman u know. =( with work.. frens.. hai.. o.. she mentioned of going to Mad Monks this fri with her frens.. I WANNA GO! when fri comes, i will remind her tt i will b tagging along... tt is if Lennon is going too n i have no plans 4 tt nite. hehe.. i m a troublesome little sis huh.. keke.

ya gonna celebrate her bday this thurs with my aunts.. HER 21ST BDAY! so happening huh..-.-


alrite.. reaching my bedtime.. gonna slp soon. cant help but feel guilty 4 not doing any revision 4 my term test next wk. i will have to wait till tomolo then. sch 4 tomolo will juz b a maths lec from 9-10, how great is tt? i shall make sure tt i reach sch in time otherwise i will juz have to give it a miss.. again. tata...



P.S: to e person who checks out my blog every now n then, not out of KPOness but concern

whether u r reading this or not.. juz wanna let u know tt i will respect watever decision tt u make. juz go with ur heart.. sometimes we really r "jui ying xin ruan".. so mayb now u need time to think about it. ya.. i think u do. so mayb juz give u this whole wk to do it.... if not i will juz treat it as a silent B.

Li.di.ya turned back time on 11:34:00 PM.

Taurus: Tonight you will need to have a serious talk with your lover.**

nuting much to write at e moment.. feeling damn sian.. i juz dun get it, tt sometimes horoscopes r so accurate..

i m so in love with Zhang Dong Liang's songs at e moment... ji mo bian jie blah.. he is like e next Zhang Jing Xuan, whose songs r all damn nice... gonna get his cd man.. have ktv vcd too. hehe... moreover nowadays cant dl mp3 from irc anymore. =( sucks la! i miss my ktv la..

1 more week to term test... havent started studying.. 2 subjects i completely dunno wat they r about. shit. was thinking of changing course, to Internet Computing. it is like more of multimedia, which is e course i was looking 4. damn it, anyhow choose IT e other time.. hai.. really a waste of $ man.. my java sucks lor. my assignment also had to ask my cousin 4 help.-.- he was saying if i really have no interest mayb i should change... juz discuss with e sch ppl n my sis first. but most prob i will b staying with this ba.. coz last nite told my fren about it too n he said multimedia stuff can pick up myself.. kinda true la.. so.. think i have made up my mind le.. hang on to IT, juz gotta buck up and prepare 4 my term test now. hmm...

ya.. yesterday was kinda glad tt my sis called me to share about some things.. =) so sweet. i love my sis so much. yeah.. "wateverthing happens to u, e people u first turn to r ur family members..." this is so true. they do play an impt role.

dun think i wanna slack at home 4 e rest of e day le.. gonna bathe n go to bugis to collect something from ros le... c if i could ask my dad out 4 dinner too... =) guess today i can't start studying 4 my term test again..=X

Li.di.ya turned back time on 4:23:00 PM.

Taurus: Today's mood is grounding, giving you a strong base to operate from.**

IT's YR 2005!

last nite's new yr's eve celebration was nuting special. at nite was steamboat n bbq dinner with Ros n frens , while in e afternoon spent e whole time slacking infront of e tv n pc. -.- how interesting was tt? was kinda pissed alittle or something.. coz had kinda planned wat to do in e afternoon but... hai.. n i actually booked a ktv rm at 2 places. yup, i din turn up. was trying to make use of e k-ster vouchers they gave when i signed up e membership coz it expires yesterday. watever! e system sucks too. dun think i will b going back there anymore.. e membership is juz a waste of my money.

so after e dinner, we left in theirs cars n van to e open field, opp e esplanade to c e fireworks. however, there wasnt any. not sure whether is was coz of e tsunami thingy tt it was cancelled or wat.. but is kinda sure tt i did c it in e papers too.. stayed there awhile den meet up with sam at cine to c Meet the Fockers. damn funny show i muz say. not bad.. quite enjoyed it.. after e show juz took a bus n went 4 mac breakfast at 201. den was back home to 4 my beauty slp le.. after a bath of coz.

was kinda thinking about some things last nite. kinda disappointed with some stuffs. i begin to question ppl's actions n e words they say n have said. r they truths or lies? juz have tt kind of uncertainty. wondering wth they r thinking...some ppl juz change so fast tt it makes me feel disgusted. its a ugly world. about another issue, not sure i should speak up or wat but guess i shall juz leave it as it is coz it isnt really a big matter. shall give some more time.. until i think it's pointless to cont this kind of relationship... think its better not to give too much of myself to ppl, i would say this is a kind of self-defence or something. mayb i m too sensitive, mayb i need something in return 4 e things i do. mayb every1 does too, tts y this phrase sounds kinda true to me, tt "every1 is selfish". i dun blame them coz if u dun think 4 urself who will? kinda "self-defence" man "self-defence". its something like this horoscope i saw 4 mine in Streats 2 days back: If others can't b nice, why should u return e flavour? it would b a shame to end the yr on this note. surely there muz b some way 4 every1 to retain their dignity.

hai! i always have mood swings.. =(

so many things i wanna do... but...'li bu cong xin' ah... juz let me go n find a job first. it feels sucky when i stop earning my own "income". gotta think twice on e things i wanna do or buy.... kinda true tt when ppl say "e more u earn, e more u spend". though i dun earn much.. at least i can still pamper myself once in a while rite?

think later will b going town with sam again 4 shopping.. guess i have to wait till tomolo to do my assignments again. UIR, NMM n OOPG... sian. due next wk. i hate projects n assignments. e other day went to design sch 4 lunch n saw e students painting their glass window, juz made me ask myself again... Y M I NOT IN DESIGN SCH?!!! argh! my course sucks la!

o ya.. its e new yr le.. wanted to create a blog template myself using dreamweaver but guess i dun have e time 4 tt now.. about transfering this yr's entries to e new 1? will c about tt...


THURS:
Taurus: Make sure your New Year's plans are set. Don't wait until last minute.**

still dunno know wat to do on new yr's eve. i so much wanna go chiong with pei yuan+frens n ros+frens but think its impossible again. feel kinda bad to always have to turn pei yuan dwn when he jio me. wanted to join pei yuan+frens at sentosa too but another fren gotta work n ros they all not interested..so...hai.. can't possibly go alone ba... have to wait 4 another time den.

had NMM lab today. have always loved this lesson so much... eh though e teacher looks as if she have attitude prob. played ard with pictures using fireworks. damn amazing with e things u can do to pictures with tt programe. i m kinda angry with myself again coz... Y M I NOT IN DESIGN SCH?!!!




WED:
Taurus: Adopt a more courageous attitude in everything you do today.**

wanted to go ktv today but... sad la sad.

heard about e Tsunami thingy dunno when... kinda pity those who have lost their loved ones. life is so vulnerable dun u think? coz of tt it has taken thousands of ppl's life already, at e same time, destroying wat had once been on e land of those countries affected. it must b difficult n heartbreaking to helplessly c ur loved ones or even strangers, being washed away by e water. this could have happened in singapore too if it was not 4 Indonesia. really cant imagine if it were to happen here, sg is already a v small island lor.. count ourselves lucky. muz have been a scary experience 4 those survivors. hmm.. wat if i had been involved? scary, cfm die, i can't even swim! was thinking how r they gonna identify e bodies man.. there r too many le. think if those ppl dun return home n not found alive wondering ard, we can juz treat them as dead suan le..

e other day at ecp with sam actually toked about this kind of stuff. have been thinking all e wat ifs.... wat if i kena an accident? robbery? SARS? go looney? disfigured, resulting in low-self esteem? tortured by sicko parents? being born dumb or deaf or with any illiness? wat if these kind of things happened to myself blah blah blah. (haha.. think too much.. =X) dunno how i would react, how it would change my life. i seriously dunno how those ppl cope with their lives after overcoming e odds. so juz feel heng heng tt no suay stuffs have happened to me.... yet! really feel contented with wat i have n wat i m... a normal kind of person, all thanks to my parents' gd genes.. lol.... n nice dad...blah...




SAT:
Taurus: Your emotions are strong, but your communication skills are not.**

stayed at home e whole day. eat.slp.tv.pc.

FRI:
Taurus: Practice makes perfect. Ask yourself what you need to practice more.**

spent christmas eve with sam. kinda enjoyed myself. had a hell of a laughing time at pw suki sushi. me-wanting to cook COOKED prawns. him-wanting to put a plate of our RE-DECORATED ASSORTED LEFTOVER SASHIMIs back on e belt. n i finally learnt e CORRECT way of eating e green peas from him. haiyoyo... went there 4 dinner instead of e boat 1 at sentosa.. went to Margaritas at east coast rd n it was fully booked too. so... after dinner went suntec to c Kung fu. damn lame show.. but lame until v funny so it was alrite. haha. love e girl who acted dumb in e show. damn pretty n sweet looking. LOVE HER LIPS! haha...

after tt wanted to walk to e esplanade but at e bus stop heng heng saw bus 36 n i tot would go there...so we took n end up in pw. pai seh pai seh. so went there awhile 4 a short pool session at e old cinema de b4 heading dwn to ecp. not a bad pool place there, clean tables they have got, friendly uncle, not bad not bad.

at e ecp saw alot of tents being built, alot of malays especially... den spotted 1 tt is with juz 4 pillars holding up e roof only, no doors. not 4 slping.. juz a kind of shelter or shade kind of thing, if u know wat i mean. power! brought their own tv set. not only tt, ktv set n a kind of electricity kind of generator? too! they were like singing away loudly man.. eh.. a bit of noise pollution lor... damn power. 'pei fu pei fu' man...

like to juz sit on e bench, chit chat n stare at e sea. kinda relaxing... did juz tt with him den ard 4 plus went home le...

Li.di.ya turned back time on 3:34:00 PM.