The Greatest Pain in Life

  The greatest pain in life
is not to die, but to be ignored.

To lose the person you love so
much to another who doesn't care at all.

To have someone you care so about so much throw a party...
and not tell you about it.

When your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.

To have people think that you don't care.

The greatest pain in life,
is not to die,
but to be forgotten.

To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.

To never get a call from a friend,
just saying "hi".

When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.

For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits.

When it seems like the only person who cares about you,
is you.

Life is full of pain,
but does it ever get better?

Will people ever care about each other,
and make time for those who are in need?

Each of us has a part to play
in this great show we call life.

Each of us has a duty to mankind
to tell our friends we love them.

If you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.

You will simply be ignored...
forgotten...
as you have done to others.

 

Taurus: Focus on the friendship aspect of your romantic relationship.**

damn tired of updating here again. guess i will turn to those journal books i used to write in. mayb update here when i m free or have some things to made known to some ppl, hoping they would get to read it n let them have a bit of an idea of my thoughs n feelings.




[Back to my old state]

juz when i begin to think tt life can b real beautiful, my life is back to a messy state. it nv stops. it seems like a cycle to me.

i nv have a (girl-)fren to call my own. not tt i need to 'OWN' tt person, like "stay away from her, she's mine", no.

i need no fren who has a great fashion sense, who toks well, who is popular, who is blessed with gd looks blah... coz to me, they r a bunch of FAKE assholes desperate to b noticed. (....though there r v few exceptions.) i wun give a damn man! i juz need some1 who will readily b there 4 me to pour out my stuff to, whom i can trust blah..

DAMN those attention seekers. DAMN those who speak with an accent which ppl can obviously tell it's not natural, AT ALL. DAMN those who isnt sensitive to e feelings of others. DAMN those who had ACTED tt they cared or watever shit n tot they had faked it through, not successful to me though. DAMN those who tried to lie with their LAME excuses which i straight away could c through them.(it's either i watched too much of tv or its them, coz it seemed as if i had heard them from some of those tv programs.hmm..) DAMN those 2-faced FAKERS!!!!

to those i once called "frens". i had always been there for them when they needed some1 to hear them out, where were they all we i needed help? i nv would call them as "frens", i would use "acquaintance" instead. thanks anyway, for sharing some wonderful time( n sometimes giving me a slap in e face, telling me to wake up).yeah..."thanks alot!" i m already back to reality...


hate those bunch of insensitive creatures to e core. nv realise e things they say or do could hurt a person badly. ok.. it's not me, but when i heard them saying tt of some1 else, i m juz thinking wth, cant they juz put themselves into e shoe of others? or tt person whom they had victimised? SENSITIVE LA SENSITIVE!

y suddenly all of these cursing? coz i m quite pissed by some ppl.. yeah.. n my sch juz sucks now. nv tot tt my love 4 poly life is now gone already, fast huh. tt was when i HAD some frens. b4 some1 had came along. now its only e first yr n i already dread of going to sch.

had this feeling tt u were e 1 putting everything (every1) together n now u r e extra 1? i do. i had pulled some1 who seemed alone into my "group" n now i become e 1 who is an "outcast". tried to blend in until i m too tired to do so. tt explains y my mood was on n off when i was with 2 of them. really, i did try. to me it seemed as if she had deliberately tried to "steal" from me. mayb i sound too possessive or jealous, but if u know e things she did, which no1 else had seemed to notice, u would think tt way too. well.. sometimes u c things differently when u are not part of it. i dun wish to eleborate here but when i think of it it makes me mad. not tt i wanna b excluded, but had they tried to include me? did they even feel/know tt i wasnt with them at diff points of time? (smell something sour? mayb..) i wouldnt have acted this way if they did. dun think they even noticed. my existence n non-existence made no diff. now i juz dunno how to join in theirs n e other girls conversation coz there is like a "communication break down?" now... tt person sucks! so full of herself. tried to accept her but she drove me to this. tt bitch juz kept showing ignorance to me, acting dumb or deaf at times which only i know it myself, u ppl (those puzzled by y i m acting this way) will nv know or understand those feelings i m experiencing rite now. not even THEY realised it. so be it.. she have done it. congrats!

though i "heard" tt they sounded real sincere about this friendship, which started at e begining of e sch yr, i din felt tt way coz nuting was done, no effort was put. guess they should bitching about me now. ..."loner", "loser"(which i am definitely not), "anti-social" .. like i care.. so.. yeah.. sick of it... IT'S E END. i may look poor thing but it's my business, i know wat i want. i need no frens like them n i wun juz stick with them coz being alone looks, so called "pathetic" by some ppl, which i dun agree. i actually get more things done w/o them, w/o wasting my breaks away. so? wise choice? most probably...

mayb i m too kind to them tt they take me 4 granted. always trying to accomodate others, wanting every1 to b happy, but i think it made me look "weak". those ppl r wrong if they think so. i do have a mind of my own, but its only tt i m not gd at "leading" as e other person. i hate to give suggestions n ended up doing it my way, it would make me think tt they r trying to accomodate me, i wun feel gd at all.

me, as a gf, mayb i had done it e wrong way too. "pity" them of something too much which made me mayb a little diff from some other girls, tts y they take advantage of me(eh.. not tt kind of "advantage", think straight pls, i am 'street smart' too u know).i m no pushover k. ok... gotta make sure they make me feel like a princess le.. send me home, pay on our dates blah.. who cares whether its troublesome 4 them or causing a hole in their pockets. tts wat BFs should do rite? if not dun date la. pi! they dun need my "pity" man. they dun 'pei(4)' also lor. hey ya... arent we doing them a favour when we take e trouble to dress up to go out with them?

i may look dumb or anything, it's only tt sometimes i ACT dumb. coz sometimes i dun even know how n where to start when i wanna find out/b aware of some things. i wan auto explanations. but some of them i juz find it too lame. i really dunno its a lie or wat, but surely i have to believe wat ever u ppl say rite?

this 1 is juz too "unstable", i dun understand some of e things tt he do. because of tt, i started to question his words. i din until...... really pissed by wat happened yesterday. hai

i feel tt "ITS" a sooner or later thing... though i dun wanna let wat 1 of my classmates said come true.....

now i juz have to say tt this most prob will b my last relationship until i start working or wat. unless some1 "close-to-perfect" appears b4 me. no ex-gfs prob, serious bout it, could take real gd care of me.. blah... most of e guys juz turn me off. like.. is there even 1 decent, nice, close-to-perfect chap? i have "seen" a few... but sometimes when u get to know a person better, things get a little different from wat u c n tot during e first few impressions. tts when u dun juz judge a book by its cover. some ppl dun understand y some girls turn to lesbianism.... i do... argh.... juz cant stand those liars, 2-timers.. blah... dun let me meet them, i dun wanna b their victims. no matter wat...i wun let tt happen to me! i repeat, i m not dumb! u may try but u will nv succeed.

=) i still enjoy being single....

watever case it is, if i dun feel respected at all, dun dream of me respecting u. coz u dun deserve it. i may not show it directly coz i wun try to b mean k... i will still save u from embarrassment , but deep dwn inside, whether u know it or not, i dun respect u as a person at all.


seriously...i wun b suprised if i get any heart disease in e future. it's such an ugly world.


alot of things i wanna say.. but i dunno how to pen it here. if only some1 understands how i feel..

Li.di.ya turned back time on 11:06:00 PM.